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When God made Corrections Officers

When the Lord was creating correction officers, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you read the spec on this order? A corrections officer has to be able to run in the dark, scale walls, enter cells the health inspector wouldn't touch, and not wrinkle his uniform."

"He has to be able to sit in a cage all day on duty, run to a red alert , frisk the yard for contraband, and testify in court the next day."

"He has to be in top physical condition at all times, running on black coffee and half-eaten meals. And he has to have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands...no way."

"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord, "it's the three pairs of eyes an officer has to have."

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. One pair that sees through a bulge in a pocket before he asks, "Do you have any weapons on you?" (When he already knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job.) Another pair here in the side of his head for his partners' safety. And another pair of eyes here in front that can look at a bleeding victim and say, "You'll be all right," when he knows it isn't so.

"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."

"I can't," said the Lord, "I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound felon into his cell without incident and feed a family of four on a civil service paycheck."

The angel circled the model of the correctional officer very slowly, "Can it think?" she asked.

"You bet," said the Lord. "It can tell you the elements of a hundred crimes; recite department violations in it's sleep; detain, investigate, search, and lock up a gang member in the yard in less time than it takes five learned judges to debate the legality of the policy and still it keeps its sense of humor."

"This officer also has phenomenal personal control. He can deal with crime scenes painted in hell, coax a confession from an evasive inmate, deal with an inmates family, and then read in the daily paper how, Corrections isn't sensitive to the rights of convicted felons."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the peace officer. "There's a leak," she pronounced, "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."

"That's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."

"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.

"It's for the bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the American flag, for justice."

"You're a genius," said the angel.

The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there," he said.

-Unkown